texes is the reason

My own ambitions for the site aside, it's probably pretty clear that posts here are iceberg protrusions of conversations vast, cool, and implacable between DDT, yrs truly, and longtime site contributor Bob Macajew. Being modern folk these three of us, many of these invisible conversations are conducted via technology, taking the form of asynchronous bleats and blats between men.(1)

It's happened before, us explicitly mining these tex-blasts for post material, but before to-night, no post had taken the form of JUST one such interaction. Anyways, thought it would be fun to blort out a bunch of the ones that've stayed in my inbox for a while, b/c they rarely fail to make me fucking chuckle. Annotated where appropriate. In chronological order, because history is important.

One.

DDT:
Glad to hear yr pink handheld is firmly grasped.
(11apr2007, 7.03.07)

Heh. I'd gotten trapped on a bus or two, needing to visit bike shops w/ (duh) non-functional bikes. Been struck by the intensely awful nature of public transportation. As Collision pointed out to me once, public transit combines no fewer than three intolerable things:
(a) waiting
(b) other people
(c) unavoidable smells

I communicated much of this, prompting the above response.

Luckily, a little River City Ransom took the edge off of that rotten bus time.

Two.

DDT:
I found my sister's GB Color today, along with Mario cartridge. Kife!
(19apr2007, 13.42.27)

Three.

DDT:
JGR's got its hooks in me like Advance Wars 2. Stupid capt. Onishima!
(23apr2007, 16.33.57)

Four.

Canada:
Yeah, sure, I'm into Nintendo pride. I don't hate the other consoles, I just don't think we'll ever get along and are better off living in different rooms.
(25apr2007, 16.00.56)

The joke here: the in-house Nintendo rag is called Nintendo Power. (I subscribe.) Anyways, to a lapsed punk like Canada, the phrase "[blank] Power" is always going to trigger thoughts of the contrast between "white power" and "white pride", because punks are ever involved with skinheads, who make such a distinction. The distinction takes EXACTLY the form limned here, with Nintendo Power meaning "Nintendo consoles are superior to other consoles and should control all other consoles, possibly owning (pwning?) them".

I regard this tex as one of the subtlest amazing jokes I've ever had in my life.

Five.

DDT:
I got the dog back! Take that Noise Tanks!
(4may2007, 11.52.55)

Somebody's playing Jet Grind Radio!!

Six.

DDT:
I just realized that what Phantasy Star is thrift on is TALKING. No blah blah blah HERE. At least not as far as I've gotten.
(9may2007, 14.57.05)

Somebody's playing Phantasy Star!!

Seven.

Responding to my valentine to River City Ransom:

DDT:
I understand where you are coming from, but RCR remains a port. Best port, maybe. Best overall's not saying a lot about games more specifically designed for the GBA.
(16may2007, 6.46.48)

That valentine itself was a drunken fleshing-out of a series of texes I sent from fave hangout Beulahland:
The 'nets are right. In a certain mood--when willing to treat the low as high--River City Ransom is as full of delight as any GBA Game. Thus it's the...
(16may2007, 00.13)

Official game of Reviewiera!!
(16may2007, 00.15)(2)

Eight.

The following is his side of a conversation DDT and I had while I wandered around the mall, looking for video games to buy.

DDT:
Also, True hoop ran a piece about Tim Duncan being into D&D and asking his teammates when he was a rookie to call him Merlin and that he likes fantasy video games. Duncan a JRPGer? Fucking with my head!
(31may2007, 16.53.25)

Now I just want an interview where, I dunno. He says he thinks Penny Arcade is awesome, or something.
(31may2007, 16.59.56)

I pointed out that this was unlikely, and posited another unlikely desire: Duncan's got like three Dreamcasts and thinks the PS3 is for morons.

What if it's 4 'casts, and he won't stop talking abt Shenmue?
(31may2007, 17.05.34)

Well, clearly, this would make me cream my jeans.

Eventually, I called him up and freaked out over "who the fuck reads the Arthurian tales and identifies with MERLIN!?!".

Nine.

DDT:
Holy Shit. Just got on the bus in Shenmue. Disk 2!
(21jun2007, 22.42.54)

The warehouse district. Kind of a letdown.
(22jun2007, 6.44.30)

Somebody's playing Shenmue!!

I have often referred to this section of the game as the 'most accurate warehouse district loitering sim EVAR'. I agree that it's a hair tedious. But I insist that this (sort of thing) is what makes the game as a whole so incredible.

Ten.

Devastatingly slow one day at work, I throw out to Canada--my housemate--something like "shitty day to forget my DS".

Canada:
Where be it, lad? For I shall take on the adventurous quest to bring it to you! It will start in some fell dungeon, no doubt...
(22jun2007, 13.06.41)

I live in the basement. "Fell dungeon" is a little harsh, but not exactly unfair. He'd been playing a lot of Oblivion, I think, explaining his verbal style.

Eleven.

Canada:
Just finished Drilldozer. Great game. Thanks. Yer right tho, couple levels short...
(28jun2007, 1.58.50)

He got a DS Lite for his birthday. I shopped and shopped for an appropriate DS game, but in the end just had to support Drill Dozer with one more purchase. Such a wonderful game, such a marketplace failure.

Twelve.

DDT:
Try the bars after dark! SEAMAN is pretty great, btw.
(1jul2007, 17.41.37)

Sometimes, apropos of NOTHING, I send somebody something that I think is funny. DDT had recently (over drinks) reminded me of the amazing dialogue sequence in Shenmue where Ryo has to wander around asking people "do you know where I can find some sailors?", so I sent him that question one afternoon. Predictably, his response was perfect.

I believe my response to the second sentence of (t)his tex was "Huh huh."

--Fat

(1) My loser buddy Collision is lately obsessed with linguistics and Thomas Pynchon.

Re: linguistics:
He got the nerdiest tattoo I have ever seen: Saussure's speech chain above a fIREHOSE quote: "very important, two dudes talking. everything ain't just two dudes talking."

Re: Pynchon:
He often quotes with much approval and relish a line:
"men who saw this as a chance to rattle at length at a world that was ignoring them".

Collision no doubt believes our tex habits are us, ratt'ling at length at those small parts of our worlds that maybe won't ignore us...

BTW, "tex" is my slangvreation for "text message". It's necessary because I find it difficult to pronounce "texted", a verb I need to use CONSTANTLY. I drink a lot. I have a thick tongue.

(2) I immediately backed down a bit. Not because I wanted to back down. I was just being nice. This site is a collective (project); it's not simply my sandbox.

Well, I prolly don't get to just declare that. It's perfectly in line w/ our, ah, steez, tho. But likely it must cede pride of place to Advance Wars II, Super Robot Taisen, Astro Boy, and Drill Dozer.
(16may2007, 00.18)


I regard the first two texes I sent that night as the purest exponent yet of my conception of Reviewiera.

That third tex is interesting mainly because I for no clear reason (I was fucking obliterated) limited the field of 'possible official games of Reviewiera' to GBA games. Almost certainly the official game would be a Dreamcast game. Almost.