On getting out of jail: free and forever

Further to my desire unstinting to discover and display praxis enhancements (commonly known in certain degraded circles as "lifehacks"), it occurs to me to share that:

1. No matter how egregious your driving offense, as long as you do not actually contact another person or their property, it is actually illegal -- as a matter of Natural Law -- for anyone to be upset with you, so long as you proffer a half-apologetic little "whoops!" wave as you drive away
2. No matter how impossible a person you are, no matter what difficulties on your surroundings you create and impose, so long as you occasionally drop in a quick "I appreciate you", you're totally off the hook and it will be impossible for anyone to mark your behavior and conclude that you are, e.g., a complete asshole

Got any wonderful tips like these that YOU enjoy to employ?  Sound off in the comments!