Friday, July 17, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to This Week or So, As of July 17, 2020

June 30, 2020

  1. Wand, Golem
    Shredder. Right up there with Plum!
  2. A Winged Victory for the Sullen, A Winged Victory for the Sullen
    Was I awake during this? Was the band?
  3. Explosions in the Sky, The World Is Not a Cold Dead Place
    ...if you say so.
  4. Helium, Ends with And
  5. Trans Am, Trans Am
  6. Windhand, Windhand
  7. Bongripper, Glaciers
  8. Funkadelic, America Eats Its Young
  9. Starcastle, Citadel

July 12, 2020

  1. David Bowie, Outside
  2. Guns & Roses, Chinese Democracy
  3. Wolf Parade, Cry Cry Cry
  4. Madvillain, Madvillainy
  5. Quasimoto, The Unseen
  6. Deltron 3030, The Instrumentals
  7. Red Sparowes, Every Heart Shines Toward the Red Sun
    Quick note on this band: I do not think they every recorded a bad note, and I love them. This has been: a quick note on Red Sparowes.
  8. Steve Morse, High Tension Wires
  9. The Nocturnes, A Year of Spring

I came late to Bowie—or, more accurately, I started late to come to Bowie—there's so much of it, and finding this late-career excellence reminded me that some great figures don't stop being great after people stop paying attention. It's not perfect, track for track, but there are some amazing songs here, and I look forward to learning more.

June 13, 2020

  1. Black Sabbath, Live Evil
  2. The Palace Brothers, There Is No-One What Will Take Care of You
  3. Blood Incantation, Hidden History of the Human Race
  4. King Geedorah, Take Me to Your Leader
  5. fIREHOSE, "fromohio"
  6. Screaming Trees (no, not that one), Beaten with the Ugly Stick (EP)
  7. Elvis Costello & the Attractions, My Aim Is True
  8. Blue Őyster Cult, On Your Feet or on Your Knees
  9. Pelican, City of Echoes
  10. Monster Magnet, 25....Tab

July 15, 2020

  1. Galaxie 500, This Is Our Music
    Could it be that the only essential Galaxie 500 record is Copenhagen?
  2. MF Doom, Born Like This
    This has one of my favorite tracks on one of my favorite CDs Noodles ever made, but I probably won't listen to the album again, b/c I don't need to hear or support "Batty Boyz" again.
  3. Sebadoh, Smash Your Head on the Punk Rock
    Man, "Mind Meld" sure holds the fuck up. So good.
  4. Spoons, Static in Transmission
    Right around here this week I started to lose my mind and pursue depths of Can(adian)Con(tent) that I am not sure are good for me, exactly.
  5. Wolfmother, Wolfmother
    This is bad, and I like it. I don't know what to make of anything anymore.

July 16, 2020

  1. Swervedriver, Mezcal head
    "Last Train to Satansville" is a great song title. Shoegaze is just prog with pop vocals, but you aren't ready to have that conversation.
  2. Spoons, The Best
    "Nova Heart" rules extremely hard.
  3. Kim Mitchell, Akimbo Alogo
    I think I wanted to be in the car, driving fast, again. This record gives a good vibe of that.
  4. Max Webster, Universal Juveniles
    I told you the CanCon was getting pretty real around here.
  5. Finger Eleven, Finger Eleven
    "Finger eleven" is a fucking sentence.
  6. John Carpenter, Anthology: Movie Themes
  7. Mike Watt, "Ring Spiel" Tour '95
  8. Kiss, Music from "The Elder"
  9. Dramarama, Hi-Fi Sci-Fi

July 17, 2020

  1. Jesu, Never
  2. MF Doom, Vaudeville Villain
  3. Hawkwind, Quark, Strangeness and Charm
  4. Baroness, The Red Album
  5. Miles Davis, Bitches Brew
  6. Spoons, Stick Figure Neighborhood
    I like this! Sort of the Joy Division guitar album to the later Spoons' New Order keyboard albums.
  7. Lana del Rey, Born to Die
  8. Blue Őyster Cult, Blue Őyster Cult
  9. Deltron 3030, Event 2

Friday, June 26, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to The Last Couple Days, as of June 26, 2020

June 21

  1. Deltron 3030, Event 2
  2. Minutemen, Introducing the Minutemen
  3. Bob Dylan, Bringing It All Back Home
  4. Phoebe Bridgers, Stranger in the Alps
  5. Roger Manning, Roger Manning 2

I bought the Roger Manning album in maybe 244, at Green Noise Records in Portland—same day I bought Situationist Comedy, if I remember right—and have always liked it a lot. I think it's a secret precursor to the Mountain Goats, with percussive abused acoustic guitar and a high voice keening a lot of syllables, but I've never seen it cited as an influence.

Today, these lyrics from 1992 seem as prescient and depressingly still relevant as the scene from Do the Right Thing where a cop kills a Black man with a choke hold and a neighborhood responds by chanting the names of other victims of police violence.


walk the pigs once around the park
they're looking for a fight
don't give it to 'em
don't give 'em anything they want
no more donuts, no more pizza
pigs out of odessa
get your asses off the green grass
and while you're at it
eat all of that horseshit

fuck you have a nice day
fuck you have a nice day
fuck you have a nice day
fuck you

and while you're at
quit your stupid wasteful job
so we can hire back some teachers
and feed old folks in the bronx
and keep the pools open
and keep recycling
and all that shit that's being thrown away
so we pay
you to sit on your
stupid
fascist blue butt
in the park
rehearsing for bigger riots to come
in which you'll get your asses kicked severely
...
fuck you have a nice day
fuck you have a nice day
fuck you have a nice day
fuck the pba

June 22

  1. The Paranoid Style, Rolling Disclosure
  2. Funkadelic, Funkadelic
  3. Wand, Plum
    Another one I listened to a LOT last year.
  4. Destroy Boys, Sorry, Mom
    There are people out there still trying to come up with good song titles after Destroy Boys called a song "I Threw Glass At My Friend's Eyes And Now I'm On Probation".
  5. Kowloon Walled City, Grievances
  6. A Giant Dog, Pile
  7. fIREHOSE, flyin' the flannel

June 24

No entry today, as I killed my pen—Bic Crystal, natch—and had to mourn.

June 25

  1. Ted Leo, The Brutalist Bricks
  2. Hot Snakes, Audit In Progress
  3. Future of the Left, The Plot Against Common Sense
  4. Solar Halos, Coiled Light
  5. Deltron 3030, Event 2
  6. El-P, Cancer 4 Cure
  7. Windhand, Eternal Return
  8. Captain Beyond, Captain Beyond

I don't read a lot about music anymore, but I was really enjoying Event 2, so I thought I'd look up its reviews. I saw one that said, in part, "this hip-hop concept album has bad skits and a plot that is obscure and hard to follow", which I found deeply notable, as it seemed to identify a record using genre descriptors, and then be disappointed when the features of the genre—dumb plot on a concept album, bad skits on a hip-hop record—actually showed up on the record. But whatever: bad skits are bad skits, and can be called out, and it's true that Event 2 is maybe a little shaggy, story-wise. The review also claimed, though, that the song "Nobody Can" was unclear. To be clear: the album is about music saving the world, and the chorus is "Deltron is our hero, if he can't do it nobody can". This ... doesn't seem that complicated. But, hey, nobody asks ME to review records, so what the fuck do I know about anything.

June 26 (apparently at some point today it became 1996?)

  1. Russian Circles, Blood Year
  2. The Paranoid Style, Rock and Roll Just Can't Recall
  3. Alice Donut, Mule
  4. Sonic Youth, Washing Machine
  5. Radiohead, OK Computer
  6. Sneaker Pimps, Becoming X

Friday, June 19, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to the Last Couple Weeks, As Of June 19, 2020

Rough Couple Weeks ... At Least We Have Music

June 8

  1. Hawkwind, Quark, Strangeness and Charm
    (This version had a LOT of mostly pointless and eventually exhausting extras—"Damnation Alley" rules p. hard, tho)
  2. Carole King, Tapestry
    For a record I had never knowingly listened to, I sure knew a lot of these songs!
  3. Neko Case and Her Boyfriends, Furnace Room Lullaby
    There was a time when I loved few things more than this record. This day, it didn't really hold up for me.
  4. Sir Lord Baltimore, Sir Lord Baltimore
    Wow, "Man from Manhattan" rules.
  5. Miles Davis On the Corner
  6. Black Sabbath, Past Lives
    Another past favorite that I didn't love this time around... :(
  7. Slave, The Hardness of the World
    The great Curtis Harris said the following, and that was all I needed to hear
  8. Eddie Hazel, From the Bottom of My Heart
    "Lompoc Boogie" is incredible: wonderful musicianship, incredible melodies, and just fun energy.

June 13: Apparently, we're getting funky (while cooking a bunch of food)

  1. Parliament, Motor Booty Affair
  2. Miles Davis, Bitches Brew
  3. Eddie Hazel, Game, Dames and Guitar Thangs
  4. Band of Gypsys, Band of Gypsys

June 15

  1. Slave, Slave (1977, Cotillion)
  2. Parliament, Funkentelechy vs. the Placebo Syndrome (1977, Casablanca)
  3. Funkadelic, Funkadelic
  4. Miles Davis, In a Silent Way

June 16: Dancin' in the Ruins (?)

  1. The Drop playlist: my dumb streaming service, which will NEVER understand me properly, thought I'd be interested in ... Phoebe Bridgers, Roman Circles, Tangerine Dream and a lot of other stuff I really really liked ... Great job, algorithms. Lousy job being interesting, Fat.
  2. Operators, EP 1
    Still SO good.
  3. Jaye Jayle & Emma Ruth Rundle, The Time Between Us
    Essential.
  4. Wooden Wand, Harem of the Sundrum and the Witness Figg
  5. LCD Soundsystem, LCD Soundsystem
    I saw a podcast called this band "If Zoolander was a band" which suggests strongly somebody either hasn't heard the band or hasn't seen Zoolander (both of which are fine: it's a long life, there's plenty of art we can skip), and it made me want to listen to this. Mostly now I only like the bonus disc, but it's a pretty fun listen whenever.

This was a hellacious work day. The only time I had for music is after I got back to my place, exhausted and scraped clean, needing to cook some food and pass out. I spent quite a while making vegan "hot wings" out of cauliflower and more than half a cup of Sriracha, and it was messy, lengthy, and pretty great. Comfort music helped a lot.

June 17: Retrenching, Searching for Silence

  1. Hawkwind, Hall of the Mountain Grill
  2. Miles Davis, On the Corner
  3. Funkadelic, Cosmic Slop
  4. Starcastle, Starcastle
    Pretty much all I listened to last year was this bizarre Yes knockoff with heavy REO Speedwagon dad-radio vibes. I've been trying hard to listen to Not The Same Thing Over and Over Again, but today ... I was tired, you know?
  5. Vektor, Black Future
    Been trying to keep things mellow, but sometimes one does need to get more intense and aggressive.
  6. Deltron 3030, Event II
    Wow, the beats on this really did it for me! I like this a lot better than the first record, which I like(d) a lot.

Experimenting with funk and things with as few words as possible has been really helpful and heartening, even if I should probably just be listening to Tangerine Dream and munching edibles all day.

June 18: A Certain Craving for Novelty

  1. Mekons, Fear & Whiskey
    People like this band? Seems cool for them.
  2. MF Doom, ...Mm Food
    What if MF Doom but beats?
  3. Vektor, Outer Isolation
  4. Killer Mike, R.A.P. Music
  5. Deltron 3030, Deltron 3030
    Not sure why, but Deltron is what I really wanted to hear all week.
  6. David Bowie, Diamond Dogs
  7. Aesop Rock, Bazooka Tooth
  8. Alice Cooper, Billion Dollar Babies
    My buddy calls Alice Cooper "ugly David Bowie", and that fits, and this record is, while not without spots I desperately wish to skip every time, incredible. Nobody comes up with bigger melodies than in "Hello Hooray" or "Elected".
  9. Obsequiae, The Palms of Sorrowed Kings
    Another record I basically listened to all of last year to the exclusion of anything else. I really love this record.

Sunday, June 07, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Over the Past Week or So, As Of June 7, 2020

last week had ... a lot.

June 2: you can probably guess this theme

  1. Vince Staples, Hell Can Wait (2014, Def Jam)
  2. Black Sabbath, Heaven and Hell (1980, Warner Bros.)
  3. Iced Earth, Days of Purgatory (1997, Century Media)
    Christ it's embarrassing to like this record.
  4. Helium, The Dirt of Luck, (1995, Matador)

June 3: flailing

  1. Charles Mingus, Pithecanthropus Erectus (1956, Atlantic)
  2. Molly Nilsson (Top Tracks)
  3. Makthaverskan, Makthaverskan (2009)
  4. James Gang, Live In Concert, (1971, ABC)
    My uncle had this, but it was scratched to shit, so I haven't heard it since the late 80s. "Tend My Garden" and "Ashes the Rain and I" both rule. Everything else...
  5. Operators, Radiant Dawn (2019, Last Gang)
  6. Russian Circles, Memorial (2013, Sargent House)
  7. Jeff Beck, Wired (1976, Epic)
    This was one of the first tapes I bought when I started buying music. Some days it holds up. This day ... it really did not. But I can still whistle fairly long parts of "Led Boots".
  8. Future of the Left, Curses (2007, Too Pure)

June 5: long days, long weeks

  1. Oozing Wound, Earth Suck, (2015, Thrill Jockey)
  2. Can, Ege Bamyasi (1972, United Artists)
    Question of the day: Hey, so, do I still like Can? Answer? Not today, no.
  3. Run the Jewels, Run the Jewels 4
    Well, they can't all be winners.
  4. Neil Young with Crazy Horse, Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere (1969, Reprise)
  5. Roxy Music, Manifesto (1979, Polydor)
  6. The Magnetic Fields, Quickies (2020, Nonesuch)
  7. Screaming Females, Live at the Hideout (2014, Don Giovanni)
    It had been a really long time since I had played this. That was a big mistake.
  8. Joy Division, Substance (1988, Factory)
    A cassette that changed my life.
  9. Soul Asylum, And the Horse they Rode in On (1990, A&M)
    I remember liking this a lot in high school. Apparently I was wrong about at least one thing in high school.

Monday, June 01, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Today, June 1, 2020

history lesson -- part II
...what. It's a really good song.

  1. Breeders, Title TK, (2002, 4AD)
    (It took nine years to come up with this?)
  2. Iron Maiden, Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (1988, Capitol)
    There are, I gather, certain amongst us who view this as the finest effort from Maiden. If you encounter such a person, smile and nod, smile and nod. Try to avoid eye contact or showing your back or belly.
  3. fIREHOSE, if'n (1987, SST)
  4. Kate Bush (Top Tracks, Pandora)
    (No frigging "Wuthering Heights", wtf.)
  5. Deltron 3030, Deltron 3030 (2000, 75 Ark)
  6. MF Doom, Operation: Doomsday (1999, Fondle 'Em)
  7. Slade, Rogue's Gallery (1985, RCA)
    One day a bit before high school, I bought this and the Ramones record Leave Home and I don't think anything was really ever the same again. Probably mostly due to the Ramones record, but. But...the giant vocal melodies on the better ones here ("Hey Ho Wish You Well" or "All Join Hands") will stick forever.

Today's theme was escape. But there isn't any escape right now.

Friday's theme was "Get Loud".

  1. Future of the Left, Last Night I Saved Her from Vampires (2009, 4AD)
    My second-favorite live Future of the Left album!
  2. Body Count, Body Count, (1992, Sire)
    Pusillanimous non-"Cop Killer"-having version, unlike the tape I bought at the time.
  3. Public Enemy, It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988, Def Jam)
  4. N.W.A., Straight Outta Compton (1988, Ruthless)
  5. El-P, Fantastic Damage (2002, Definitive Jux)
  6. Mike Watt, The Secondman's Middle Stand (2004, Columbia)

Thursday, May 28, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Today, May 28, 2020

'sup, shorty?

  1. The Amps, Pacer (1995, Elektra)
  2. Brainoil, Brainoil (2003, Life Is Abuse)
  3. Minutemen, Buzz or Howl Under the Influence of Heat, (1983, SST)
  4. Yes, The Yes Album (1971, Atlantic)
  5. Dinosaur Jr., Whatever's Cool with Me (1991, Sire)
  6. Operators, EP1 (2014, Last Gang)

Not an 'undo P. why I chose to listen to short records to-day, but it seemed to work out well. I've whined lengthily elsewhere / elsewhen about the bloatation allowed—seemingly mandated by the physical change from the dominant format being LPs, which stop sounding good at about the 23-minute-per-side mark, to the dominant format being CDs, which contain roughly 74 minutes, so I won't do so here, but what if bands just stopped saying things when they ran out of things to say, even if there was some tape left?

Bonus: I looked up the Amps record Pacer, because back in 1996, I considered it maybe the most perfect pop record I'd heard, and I wanted to see what other folks thought of it. And that's when I ran into this heavy slice of Robert Christgau Being a Fucking Creep:

Kim Deal sounds so sane, so unpretentious, so goddamn nice that you want to take her home and give her a shampoo.
ANI DIFRANCO: Not a Pretty Girl (Righteous Babe) Although her mostly female young cult loves this self-starting folk-punk madly, the guys I know smell trouble every time she opens her mouth. This has nothing to do with her face, body, or sense of style. It's her words, the sheer volume of them, jetting out in expressionistic torrents as if she feels free to say any goddamn thing that comes to mind.
Tribe 8, Fist City (Alternative Tentacles): lay back and trust the band, gal--also your own lyrics ("Freedom," "Barnyard Poontang")
There's more, but I don't have the stamina to go through all of his horseshit from January of 1996. Christ(gau), what an asshole.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Today, May 27, 2020

Goin' back to
High school (rah rah rah)
Goin' back to
High school (sis boom bah)
Man ... I don't think so

  1. Public Image Limited, Album (1986, Elektra)
    I had Cassette.
  2. Suicidal Tendencies, Controlled by Hatred / Feel Like Shit ... Déjà Vu (1989, Epic)
    Possibly heavy music's most-punctuated album title?
  3. Autograph, Sign In Please (1984, RCA)
    I never actually had this one, but the single "Turn Up the Radio" was inescapable. The drummer's story turns out to be the stuff of a pretty good hack novel.
  4. Michael Schenker Group, MSG (1981, Chrysalis)
    Reading the tab for the solo in "On and On" turned me on to this masterpiece. No, I couldn't play it.
  5. Jesus Jones, Liquidizer (1989, SBK)
    Glitched out a lot when I was listening, because my internet seems to like the heat as little as I do. It was hard to tell.
  6. New Model Army, Thunder and Consolation (1989, EMI)
    Probably my second-favorite record with a song about green and grey.

No longer musing on account of obligations.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Today, May 26, 2020

Old Man, Take a Listen to My Records
They're A Lot Like Yours Were

  1. Spanish Love Songs, Brave Faces Everyone (2020, Pure Noise)
    I didn't know "We're not a Christian band, but we sound like a Christian band" was a sound for slow punk bands. But RIYL Mountain Goats / cool-pastor voice, drinking as a personality, shouting along. Recommended by the Strikewave newsletter.
  2. NOBRO, Sick Hustle (2020, Dine Alone / Scary Monsters)
    I also didn't know "We like L7's guitar sounds" was a going concern, but based on the first song, it seems to be. Good stuff, and gets better as the record goes on! This one's from the Turntable Report by Tracy Wilson.
  3. Hole, Celebrity Skin (1998, Geffen)
    Basically a perfect rock record. Ever since it's been out, I've heard a "criticism" that says "Well, Billy Corgan wrote all the songs," which (a) sounds like a depressingly common way to dismiss / diss / disappear Courtney Love, which is something dudes who like to talk about rock records are distressingly prone to do, and (b) is bizarre even if it were true, because what kind of backwards-ass nincompoop do you have to be to think "This combination of performer and songwriter works beautifully together and made a great record" is somehow a bad thing? One thing I love about the record is how confident in your work you have to be to title a poppy rock song "Heaven Tonight" after Cheap Trick wrote a basically perfect poppy rock song and called it "Heaven Tonight". Here, it works. Not sure I'd recommend the move for lesser artists.
  4. Big Business, Mind the Drift (2009, Joyful Noise)
    When I first moved to Oakland, basically all I listened to was this record, in a weird track order that my busted-ass Coby .mp3 player imposed. Hearing it the "right" way is still a little disorienting.
  5. Thin White Rope, Exploring the Axis (1985, Frontier)
    If Sonic Youth grew up listening to country and reading noir, they might have sounded a little like Thin White Rope.

It was a million degrees today, and I worked 11 or so hours. Not a lot of time for music, but I tried to listen to a couple new things, mostly without satisfaction, and then retreated to comforts. Those Hole, Big Business and Thin White Rope records all dominated whole years at one time or another, and it was nice to revisit them and step away from the same records I've been listening to all year long (Obsequiae's The Palms of Sorrowed Kings and El-P's Cancer for Cure, more or less). What are you trying to listen to to shake things up?

Monday, May 25, 2020

HEAVY TUNES: Records I Listened to Today, May 25, 2020

Hush, Keep It Down Down

  1. Bonnie "Prince" Billy, I See a Darkness (1999, Palace Records)
    Got an email from my girlfriend about a Philip Levine poem that included the line "I see the darkness", so my morning was set.
  2. Marriages, Salome (2015, Sargent House)
  3. boygenius, boygenius (2018, Matador)
    I still have trouble with this record, but I really like Phoebe Bridgers' voice.
  4. Angel Olsen, My Woman (2016, Jagjaguwar)
    Esp. "Not Gonna Kill You". Oft-recommended.
  5. Flat Worms, Flat Worms (2017, Castle Face)
    Real solid punk/post-punk!
  6. Red Sparowes, Aphorisms (2008, Sargent House)
  7. Caterwaul, Portent Hue (1990, IRS)
  8. Trans Am, Trans Am (1996, Thrill Jockey)
  9. Oozing Wound, Whatever Forever (2016, Thrill Jockey)
    Probably the best workout band of our time. So many riffs.

Also read and subscribe to Turntable Report, a newsletter by Tracy Wilson.


Friday, April 10, 2020

Toward a Total Theory of the Messenger Bag: From the Specific to the Universal (The Timbuk2 Classic Messenger)

In late 2015 (!), I had tried and failed to follow a huge, somewhat clunky but infinitely endearing messenger bag, the Jandd Hurricane Iniki, with a sleeker, more stylish number, the Timbuk2 Especial Claro. The style didn't work, but the way the company stood behind the failure made me interested in another of their options, so I ended up with the Timbuk2 Classic Messenger, in Medium, all black.

(The most basic, and basic black, bag around: the Timbuk2 Classic Messenger in Medium.)

I used it daily for more than a year, before putting it into a rotation with the Defy Strapped, and later mixing in the Jannd Shana (link tk). (As I review these receipts, I'm shocked that it only had something like fifteen months of unchallenged No. 1 status.) It's a nearly ubiquitous bike-bag option: in the Bay Area, it's still nearly impossible to leave the house (when you can leave the house) and not see one across somebody's back. It is I think, utterly nondescript, in a way that I kind of enjoy. While it's not wildly appropriate for every office environment, I work in California, so its ubiquity and nondescriptness add up to it being more or less invisible.

A very well put together read on a similar bag by Timbuk2 is by David Pouge at the Strategist. While his is not mine, a couple points he makes seem to me to apply perfectly. As he says:

There’s no corner of Timbuk2 bags that hasn’t been nerdily, almost hilariously sweated over

bigger inside than they look outside

(lengthy, detailed breakdown of his version's pockets, which are different than mine, so not relevant, though still fascinating)

Almost everything about this bag is just ... correct. If you have used any other bag, and thought about it, this bag will impress you as having made the right decision in almost every particular. (NOTE: according to some recent reviews, a lot of the things I will praise may have been phased out, so emptor your caveats and all that.)

Materials

(Cordura on the outside, TPU [whatever that is] on the inside.)

Materials are nearly perfect. The outside is the extremely standard Cordura, but a small, tight weave that holds up beautifully to knocks and dings, avoids snags, and doesn't seem to chafe wool or other materials unduly. The inside pockets are on a fabric panel that's made from a nice, light-colored (grey) smooth "packcloth" I guess they call it that isn't hard to wipe clean and is hard to stain, both of which, in my life, are great. There's also a "TPU" liner which helps keep things waterproof, and is even more wipeable. And only after five years has the TPU started to crack at all.

(Minor cracking of the lining after 5ish years.)

Straps

Not a ton to say here. Shoulder strap: you never notice it. This is good! If you notice a shoulder strap, it's probably because it's binding or chafing or pinching or something, or too slick so the bag slides around too much (like the Defy strap), or made from a wide enough weave to get torn up by the available velcro, like the new Jandd strap. This shoulder strap has none of those problems. It's just there, it's got a little pad on it that keeps pain from happening, it all just works.

There's a quick-adjust flappity that I'm less impressed with, as I routinely thwacked it out of place while under load, which causes the bag to hurtle to the end of the strap length, before jolting harshly, which: unpleasant. Only thing you can do is try to avoid thwacking / flicking. Probably good advice in general, and I honor this bag for teaching me a profound lesson.

The cross-body strap isn't as great: it doesn't easily stow out of the way when you're not using it. When you disconnect it, it's going to bang around your knees, which nothing on a shoulder bag should ever do. I bought a small retaining clip from Jandd, which helps when it works, which is some but not enough of the time. I don't know what would be better. Magnets, maybe? Seems like magnets might help.

There's also a strap that's sewn to the bag with a clip on the end to use as a key fob. People seem to like it. I have never used it, as my paranoia does not allow me to be happy with the idea of keys I own being in something that might not be touching my body at all times.

The straps connecting the main flap to the body of the bag are correct in two ways: the buckles are on the inside of the flap, which looks better and is no less usable than when they're on the outside; the body straps run all the way under the floor of the bag, allowing compression, and enabling stuffing something between the straps and the outside of the bag. (This is one thing I miss a lot when I'm using my Rickshaw Sutro Messenger.)

There's a grab handle, which is also correct. It's very simple, just a flat strap across the top of the bag, but it's usable and essentially invisible, which makes it nearly perfect. Since I tend to carry too much, I routinely worry that the velcro will fail to keep the whole thing together, but I don't think the hook/loop magic has ever actually failed me.

Pockets

Essentially perfect. It is deeply annoying to me that no bag reviews ever give enough detail on the pockets, as a bag just is a pocket, so pockets in pockets are obviously of grave importance. Gravest.

There's a laptop pocket across the back. It's padded on the bag side, but not on the wall side. It fits even my ridiculously large laptop (barely, with some stuffing / shoving and visible stress placed on the fabric), which is rad; a minor scourge of the bag design world is the sense bag designers seem to have that the only laptops that exist are Macs.

There's two water bottle holders. One mesh, one smooth. Both fit a small / 16 oz. type Nalgene bottle fine, but not the standard / 32 oz. size. These are pretty helpful, if only because verticality is a nice thing to impose on a liquid-carrier (and because it's nice to not have your bottle go sideways and start poking you in the back).

And then there's the front wall, a dense city block of pockets. Across the inside front wall: wide pocket; narrow pocket; narrow pocket; wide pocket. The wide pockets are wide and deep enough to hold a hard-sided glasses case (a necessity for me), or two iPhone 6s or similar mid-sized phones. Most bags don't bother to have something that comfortably fits a glasses case, and most bags suck for that reason. The narrow pockets hold two sharpies. Probably could fit three narrower pens, but that would be fussy and insane. Who would do that?

(Detail on the inside pockets under load.)

Behind the front wall, a zippered pocket that doesn't quite run the width of the wall, nor quite to the bottom of the front wall. I believe it should. But it's still a super good place to keep a backup handkerchief, maybe a smaller / thinner notebook. It's not quite deep enough for a typical Moleskine, nor tall / wide enough for my big Baron Fig notebook. But a memory card, a lighter, tampons, or whatever, it's all real good for this pocket.

On the outside of the front wall, a zippered patch pocket (with that little key fob) riding a top-loader. These pockets are bracketed by two vertical strips of the hook side of the hook-and-loop fabric. It's a great way to minimize the amount of this destructive material, but it's still exactly and precisely where a man's sleeve will go most often, thereby getting snagged. The top-loader could stand some pen slots, probably, but I never lost any sleep over it. These two are separated by just a little bit of packcloth, which finally got a bit shredded by the pointy types of cargo I tend to carry here (knives, jacks, throwing stars, etc.). Behind these is my favorite name for a pocket ever: the Napoleon pocket, a side-loader that runs wider than the two square pockets and is a perfect fit for a small tablet (7" say).

(Outside front pockets detail with Napoleon pocket.)

(You knew I was going to show you the damage done by the hook side of hook-and-loop fasteners: check out that fraying! That minor fraying after five years of use.)

Size

This bag has a nominal capacity of 21 liters (1,282 in3). This isn't huge, and the bag certainly doesn't look terribly large, but it always feels as though you can hold Just One More Thing (the bag version of moreishness).

I think it's the depth of the bag that really does this: it's listed as 18.1 inches wide (top, 14.6 inches wide at bottom) which are nothing particularly large, but the 7.09 inches of depth allow a LOT of frank stuffage. Check out the image: that's a bag with four tallboys, a laptop, a coffee mug and a water bottle in it and the bag looks essentially empty. Incredible.

(A bag with a lot in it that doesn't look like it's got a lot in it.)

Historical note on size: After the Jandd, it was very difficult for me to adjust to anything under two-cinder-block carrying capacity. I destroyed the Especial Claro by being unable to pivot to a different strategy. When I traded the Claro for this Classic, still in the shadow of the Jandd Iniki, it wasn't immediately obvious to me that that the Classic was big enough. Since 2015, though, I have tried out the Defy Strapped (nominal capacity unavailable), the Jandd Shana (nominal capacity 1,338 in3 / 22 liters [but I absolutely don't believe this, details tk]), and the Rickshaw Sutro (nominal capacity 905 in3 ~15 liters), and without seeming bulkier than any of these, it just carries more than any of them.

Carrying

Times have changed since I first started thinking about this stuff. Amangst other things, I changed jobs, and my new job (smashing capitalism) required me to buy a car (there are some contradictions)—see here my recent obsession with grab handles—so I don't always remember to stress out about how it goes to stuff in / yoink free a U-lock or two from a stuffed messenger bag, but two features of this bag make those tasks more reasonable: the main compartment is big and deep not small nor shallow, and there's a layer of foam running across the laptop pocket. This foam helps avoid the ol' U-lock kidney strike-&-massage, which is a good thing. I have noticed that it's pretty common to scrape out the pens from the inside wall when pulling out a lock, which is annoying. Mostly it all works real well! All that said, at this point, when I need to carry my locks, I mostly just hang the locks off the shoulder strap.

Punchline

Two thousand words later, on this one bag, this bag that's the most generic thing out there anywhere, after thousands of other words on the specifics of my totally individual needs ... I discover that what works best for me, is the thing that works best for everybody.

David Pogue (and Timbuk2's own marketing copy) is correct: the Classic Messenger is basically a perfected object, with years of lessons incorporated and snags smoothed out. If you can get the one I got, and the reviews on the site right now suggest you may no longer be able to, it's difficult to imagine you wouldn't be happy with it.

(Detail on the inside pockets without load and zipper pocket open.)

Previous entries in the total theory of messenger bags megathread: